I was bullied into LOVE not by anyone but myself. Love is just one of those favorite things I LOVe to do. It comes effortlessly and makes me happy….so, it’s not a surprise that at 9 years old with examples seen on all the telenova’s I used to watch (Paloma and Diego, anyone?) I had my first somewhat-boyfriend. Sadly, I don’t know where he is right Now!
well, it began there…then it went through just a couple of boys and ended after my secondary school at 16, broke up with the sec school boyfriend at 17 and started a very intense relationship with someone I thought was the one.
Lets just say, every boy I’ve been with…I have always tagged him as the one of the moment, until shit hits the fan. Yes, the problem was me and my ridiculous need to be loving and being loved. But not one boy have I ever deceived about my feelings!
I was quite honest and true… (a little disclaimer cos I know 1-2 of my ex’s might come across this, lol).
but let’s get back o it…
He was in his 20’s and the first matured plus drop-dead gorgeous man that has approached me…and against all advices from my friends who tagged him ‘a player’ who was gonna use me and dump me. Wait, I kinda felt it, though…Like why would they think someone that perfect will be with me? Well, that added to why I fell hard.
I had known his junior sister before him, then I got introduced to his mom, his brothers, another little sister and even his dogs. I immediately became comfortable with his family cos I genuinely liked them, plus he had a dog….perfect man!
Our relationship went pretty hard nd serious..that Someone who was not indebted to me really accepted mewas the best to me!
but there was something off…he was a bit different to what was expected of boys his age And most of the time it was cool, but it still rang an alarm in my head..
this is what I’m talking about….Just in our first year, I’ve met everyone in his family, his friends, relatives..every PERSON in his life! Don’t forget I was seventeen!and he respected me a hell lot too.
When I clocked 18, marriage and kids and the future became the center of all discussions for him..that got me scared (I do have a phobia for staying down and I appreciate being wild and free) and eventually, I moved faraway for University which kinda deem the topic.
i began to miss him, and not just him, but his whole family who I’ve gotten too attached with, but most especially was his littlest sister…she was my little angel and we shared a sweet bond.
I couldn’t wait for the holidays, and when it came I told him the things I experienced while away from them…and jokingly he said, ‘we can get married and she’ll be your daughter’. That was so cool to me as a suggestion…in the fact that he considered and trusted me enough.
thought I knew everything about him…I was wrong!
thought he was joking around with what he said…I was wrong.
Not through him…but a friend of mine did I get to know that, That beautiful little angel I thought was his little sister is actually HIS DAUGHTER…a 6year old kid.
not through him..or his family..people I trusted..
I was devastated..
But let’s cut the crap up….after much meeting And begging, I got back with him, why, you may ask? cos I felt obliged to do that. I was already in too deep with not just him but his family.
and immediately after that, without asking or planning… I took the role of a mother to a six year old (I was an only child with no siblings and experience of nurturing) but I fought through for him—by mother, I mean completely loving that child, school pickups and activities, shopping…all cool duties my mother did for me.
Things then began to change for me, good ones were that I grew an affinity for children, I knew crisis first aids tips, diy ideas and even the essentiality of a healthy breakfast..Plus, I was so responsible..
the bad ugly one came when I was about to change schools, and I felt I had to share it with the person I’m with, so I told him, “I don’t think I want to get married, not like never, but not as soon as 5 years”.. that shocked and pissed him off.
And that was the end…he asked me why I was still with him if I was planning to get married in a later time. To him, Ages 26, 27,28, 29 was too late for him. And for me, I knew I had to completely grow up and know what I want And need before diving into something like that…so we parted ways with no affirmation of a breakup, before resuming to my new school.
and that was the hardest thing ever. Because I didn’t just lose him, I lost the family and that little girl.
But, What ruined me was coming home to see another girl where I used to be…and not just with him but his whole family!
That shattered and changed my whole dating regimen…until this holiday…
He’s with another girl and planning to get married….I guess the last girl couldn’t stand the pressure! But I finally understood the whole game they played me..
They took advantage of my naivety, insecurity and flaws to coil me into something useful to them…never genuinely caring about me or my decisions, and that is sad. Growing up is the best enlightenment I’ve had…and if I had sacrificed that, then I would have lost my self.
That relationship might’ve lasted 21 months…but it haunted me for far more. I do wish him the very best and I’ll always care about the family for the gave me some of my best qualities..
But I’m so glad I got a closeup…it might’ve been hard and sad, but that little torch I carried for him is forever blown out by this understanding… Most of us fall in love with the image rather than the REAL person and Treat yourself like a prize of your own..
Here’s a quick question someone can help me understand….Was I ever wrong? What did I do wrong (remains the questions we always ask ourselves)….
Guys please let me know your thoughts and share your episode with me…I would love that and I love you! Thank you.